Official Declarations
by PuraJazzBot
Summary: [G1]It's Valentine's Day, but not everyone's out enjoying its many traditions and customs. Some mechs do have to stay in and work, and these are the stories of how four of them spent the day. Written for an LJcomm challenge. TFs are not mine
1. Kiss

KISS – Kiss

This was ridiculous! All of it, completely and utterly ridiculous! Not to mention the high security risk that all of this nonsense was presenting, but would anyone listen to him? Of course not! They'd just say he was being paranoid – a party-pooper in some cases – and dismiss his warnings as pure drivel. So by now he knew better than to try and get his fellow Autobots to listen to reason. Not that they were in any position to reason at the moment.

So instead he simply shut himself up in his office, wanting no part of this silly Earth holiday that his colleagues seemed so taken up with. He sat down in front of his monitors and double-checked his security grids and alarm perimeters. At least one of them had to stay sane around this time, when the rest of the Autobots seemed to have their processors up in the clouds.

As that famous Earth saying went: if you wanted something done right, you had to do it yourself.

Red Alert shook his head and then pulled up a security camera feed. He scoffed. Even Ratchet – their supposed grizzly bear of a medic – seemed to have been reduced to nothing more than a teddy bear, as he smiled and accepted a human heart-shaped box from Swoop, and gave the young Dinobot a big hug in return.

It was all very absurd, if you asked him – which no one did of course.

Outside, Powerglide was drawing hearts in the sky with his vapor trails for reasons unknown to Red Alert, and for a moment the security director wished he was human just so he could roll his eyes. Contrary to what was said, he figured this particular Earth holiday to be the most dangerous of the lot. After all, none of the other days had the Autobots running around like a bunch of air-headed fools.

"Leaving us open to possible Decepticon attack, and at this rate, I'll have to fight them off all by myself," he muttered to the empty room.

His internal alarm sensor went off a good two minutes before the door slid open to admit Inferno, so he didn't even bother to look up and acknowledge his friend.

"Come to escape the madness, have you?" he asked.

"Aw c'mon Red, it ain't that bad," Inferno replied.

"Oh no? Then let me tell you just how bad I think it is then, because this insanity is obviously going to your head as well if you can accept all this silliness."

"Red…"

"Mechs slipping around slipping suspicious items under each other's doors."

"They're just cards."

"Do you know how easily a Decepticon could get in and do the same if it wasn't for me sitting here and keeping watch?"

"I'm sure they all appreciate it."

"Not to mention getting overcharged in the middle of the day."

"Its only energon goodies."

"Some of them can't even walk straight, let alone be trusted with a weapon."

"Give 'em a break Red, its only one day."

"And one day is all the Decepticons need to attack and take us out given the state some of our mechs are in."

"Red, you need ta loosen up. Then maybe you can enjoy the day like the rest of us."

Red Alert just about snorted, as he stood up to adjust another monitor. "Forgive me, Inferno, but I see nothing appealing about a day symbolized by a nude miniature winged-human who goes around shooting arrows at unsuspecting people and altering their behaviour."

"Cupid's not real."

"Then explain to me why I have Blaster picking flowers outside." He thrust a finger at one of the screens.

"Probably wants to give them to someone. Nothing wrong with that."

"Someone could shoot him in the back before he even had time to straighten up."

"Can you for once look at the good aspects of this holiday."

"I have tried to, and I've found none."

"Well I could show ya one."

"Oh really? You can tell me one good thing about this holiday?"

"Yeah, it gives me a reason to do this."

Inferno pulled Red Alert closer and closed his mouth over the other's in a cheeky kiss that he held for a good half a minute. Red Alert flailed in surprise with a muffled noise of protest that was quickly silenced the moment Inferno's lips met his. When the big red mech finally let him go, the security director stood there, a little stunned.

Inferno cackled and ran for the door while the other mech came to his senses.

"Happy Valentines Day, Red ol' buddy!" he called.

END.


	2. Image

KISS – Image

Cupid could have shot a dozen arrows at him and he would have still been oblivious. Besides, there was no logical way a child's flimsy wooden arrow could even pierce through his armor, let alone infect him with some metaphorical poison. As far as he knew, love was an emotion. It could be shown through physical actions, but there was no way the emotion itself could be physically injected into anyone.

So he wasn't too bothered about the antics of his faction-mates, as long as none of it disrupted the delicate workings of the unit as a whole. He himself could not be bothered partaking in any of the day's activities as there was simply too much work to be done, as was always the case when celebrating any of the Earthen holidays.

Someone, after all, had to be grounded while the rest of the troupe ran around like newly-created turbopups.

Prowl hardly reacted to the sight of Windcharger lying half on Brawn's lap and plucking the petals off some poor local plant, nor was he particularly surprised to see Seaspray blush when Carly leaned up and placed a kiss on his faceplate. Elsewhere, other friends gave each other small boxes of energon goodies and large, organic paper hearts that they had probably cut out themselves.

Most of them barely realized that if it weren't for the constant work he and some of the others did, they wouldn't have been able to enjoy the day like this. Not that Prowl was bitter about it. He liked his work. It gave him something useful to do with his time instead of waste it on the trivial fluff he was seeing displayed before him.

There was a shuffling sound outside his door, one that he'd been hearing on and off for the past half an hour now. While not particularly irritating, it WAS starting to get a little distracting. If someone was wanted to come inside, why didn't they? And if they didn't, why were they still lingering outside his door?

Experienced reasoning told him that whatever it was, it would probably not be good for him, though he'd expected that mechs would have learned not to try and prank him by now. Nevertheless, he approached the door cautiously and activated the sensor to open it.

Bluestreak jumped back with a yelp.

"P-Prowl! Its you! I… I mean of course its you, it's your office after all, but I uh… I didn't think you'd open your door just like that, and it startled me."

"I see Prowl said, carefully looking around before stepping forward.

"Yeah… Its just, you've been working all day, and I thought you might want to come out and have some fun for a while, with me and a few of the other guys."

"I seriously doubt your definition of fun is the same as mine. I'm quite happy in here Bluestreak, you go on ahead."

"Oh… okay then." The younger mech shuffled nervously

"Is there something else you wanted?" Prowl asked.

He nodded.

"What is it?"

Bluestreak leaned over and gave him a quick hug. Then he pulled back and quickly ran down the hallway.

Prowl watched him go, then looked down. Bluestreak had dropped something on the ground, and as Prowl bent to pick it up, he saw that it was a rectangular paper card with a heart drawn on it in red marker pen. He flipped it open and saw a hastily drawn version of himself and whom he guessed to be Bluestreak, standing on either side of another heart.

"To Prowl, Happy Valentines Day, Love Bluestreak" was written inside as well.

Smiling to himself, the Autobot tactician retreated back into his office and placed the card on his console. It was nice to know someone cared.

END.


	3. Sunset

KISS – Sunset

Humans were suckers for gimmicks, he realized, as he drove down the streets of the town he was supposed to be patrolling. Everywhere he went he saw storefronts decorated with red hearts and roses while vendors sat at street corners selling boquets of flowers that were at least three times higher in price today than yesterday.

Yet, people crowded around these vendors to buy these overpriced Earth plants when they could have just as easily bought them for much less the day before. Didn't these humans realize they were just paying for a gimmick?

Probably not, judging by the way eateries and other places were filled to capacity now, when they'd been almost deserted 24 hours ago. He just didn't understand it. So a special day was set aside during which you were supposed to shower a mate or potential mate with expensive treats just to show them you cared for them more on that particular day.

Call him old-fashioned, but Ironhide figured that if you loved someone, you loved them the same your entire life, not more on one day and less on the other, and you certainly didn't need to prove your love with an expensive gift. The higher the cost of the gift didn't necessarily equal the amount of love one had for another.

These young kids thought it was all in the material aspect of things. Didn't they know there were better ways of showing affection than just spending lavish amounts of money on things. Sometimes the simple things were the best – like a picnic along a river bank, or a walk along the beach at sunset. At least then you had a chance to get to know your partner better instead of being distracted by all this crazy commercialism.

Part of him also felt rather bad for all the single individuals who seemed to be all but overlooked on such a day, for no other reason than that they were single. So much for love, he thought

He was quite glad when, by late afternoon, he had finished his patrol and was finally able to pull out on to the quiet countryside highway that led back to the volcano. About 10 meters from the Ark, he saw Wheeljack standing by the side of the road, as if he was waiting for someone, and curious to know who it was, he came to a stop beside the engineer and transformed.

"Everythin' alright, 'Jack ol' buddy?" he asked.

"Just fine, Ironhide," Wheeljack replied.

"Then what're y'doin' out here for?"

"Oh, I knew you'd be headed this way after patrol, so I thought I'd just meet ya and walk ya back the rest of the way. Don't mind do ya?"

"Aww, y'shouldn't 'ave, really."

"Ain't a problem. After all, it's Valentines Day – we're supposed to show that we care."

"I guess so. Though I'm not sure I agree with how the humans celebrate it. Too much fuss and feathers."

"Yeah, they can go a little overboard, but nothin' wrong with simple gestures of affection right?" Wheeljack's 'ears' flashed a merry blue as he held out a can of energon to the red mech. "Figured you could use that, and a nice stroll in the sunset. You didn't think we'd forget all about you today just 'cause you were on patrol"

Ironhide grinned. "Aw thanks 'Jack. I'm touched."

Wheeljack chuckled as he threw an arm around his friend's shoulders while they walked in the fading light of the waning sun. "Happy Valentines Day, Ironhide."

END.


	4. Song

KISS – Song

Sometimes the greatest sources of amusement came from his fellow Autobots. On those days when he was bored and yet unable to leave his office, he'd sometimes tap into the security camera feeds and see what his army was upto. Most of the times he wouldn't be disappointed. Just when he thought he'd seen everything, some of them would come up with new antics that would have him chuckling to himself.

Today had been a bonus. Human holidays were particularly entertaining, and this day celebrating all things love had been no less eventful. He had watched fondly as his Autobots ran around attempting to give each other cards, flowers and other such items to show that they were indeed appreciated and cared for – sometimes with hilarious consequences.

The flowers Bumblebee attempted to give Slag were summarily torched, much to the Minibot's dismay and the Dinobot's amusement; Tracks' gesture of affection to his human friend Raoul had been met with much red-faced embarrassment from the boy; and conspicuous by their absence, two of the Ark's most notorious inhabitants were nowhere to be found.

Optimus Prime frowned slightly at this. It was close to nightfall, and the two had yet to make an appearance. Well, at least there had been no reports as of yet of them being in any trouble so he gave them the benefit of the doubt that maybe this particular holiday was of no interest to them and they were hence lying low somewhere till all the madness was over.

The only drawback to these holidays, he mused, was that sometimes he had to sacrifice his own time so that his Autobots could enjoy them. He was their leader after all, and since they worked so hard for him on a regular day-to-day basis, he supposed he shouldn't really begrudge them their freedom to take a break and relax once in a while. So he and a few other dedicated officers had taken up the task of manning the Ark's security and patrols.

Though he had been presently surprised to note that even the on-duty officers had not been forgotten – each of them having gotten their own little token of appreciation along the course of the day. All except him, but he tried not to let it bother him too much.

A knock on his door interrupted him from his brooding.

"Come in," he said absently, turning his attention to a couple of datapads so as not to reveal that he had been indulging in a bit of self-pity.

The door slid open and none other than the red Lamborghini himself entered, looking a little nervous as he stepped inside, followed closely behind by his brother.

"What have you done now, Sideswipe?" he asked. "Or was it Sunstreaker's fault this time?" He should have known it was too good to be true.

"Oh no," Sunstreaker replied. "This one's all his doing." He thrust a thumb in his twin's direction. "I told him it wasn't going to be easy, you probably didn't want any visitors today, but he insisted. Take it away, bro."

"Well Sideswipe?" Prime turned his gaze on the red mech. "Care to explain why you two decided to pay me a visit?"

"Did… did you…." the red mech stopped, shifted, then took a breath.

Sunstreaker let out a frustrated sigh and gave his brother a slap on the back of his head. "Just get it over with." He shook his head in disgust and moved a few steps away, muttering something about this being a stupid day in the first place.

Prime waited patiently to see what the two were getting at, even as Sideswipe gave his brother an annoyed look and then fixed his optics on the Autobot leader. He opened his mouth to, Prime assumed, tell him what they had come for. What came out of the red mech's vocalizer however caught him completely off-guard.

"Did you ever know that you're my hero?" Sideswipe sang in a deep, tenor-ish voice that was just slightly off-key.

"Yeah, I think he knows," Sunstreaker muttered.

"You're everything I wish I could be!"

"If wishes were horses, dear brother."

"I could fly higher than an eagle!"

"Well you do, when you ride those jets."

"'Cause you are the wind beneath my wings!"

"You don't even have wings."

Prime was much too polite to laugh and satisfied himself with simply smiling instead. It was a simple gesture from the brothers, but one that he appreciated. He was about to speak and thank Sideswipe for his attempt at song, and Sunstreaker for his witty commentary, but before he could, another voice cut through the room – this one familiar, and very very smooth.

"Did we ever tell you you're our hero?" Jazz swept into the room, visor glinting and a huge smile on his face. "You're everything we aspire to be…! You make us fly higher than the eagles!" He snapped his fingers and the brothers flanked him, unspacing a large bouquet each of red and yellow roses. "'Cause you are the wind beneath our wings!"

The Twins stepped forward and laid the flowers down on his desk, and Prime noted the artistic care with which they were arranged and presented that could only have come from Sunstreaker. Touched, he stood up and came around his desk.

"Thank you," he said.

"No problem, boss-mech," Jazz replied. "Y'didn't think we'd forget ya on Valentines Day did ya?"

"Well…."

"He was thinking it," Sunstreaker commented, carefully avoiding the arm Prime put around Jazz's shoulders and coming to stand beside Sideswipe as the Commander's other arm went around the red mech's shoulders. He just wasn't the hugging type.

The other two didn't seem to mind however.

"Don't thank me though, Prime," Jazz added. "This was all their idea."

"Whomever's idea it was, I really do appreciate it," Prime replied. "Happy Valentines Day, Autobots."

END.


End file.
